Fear is a big part of my life these days. Fear of ending up like my father, only sooner, with Dementia/Alzheimer's. I'm always forgetting words in the middle of a sentence and have to come up with a work-around. As I approach the word, I know it won't come and I look like an idiot, stopping half way through a sentence with a vacuous look on my face...searching for a substitute.
Fear of financial armaggedon. Suffice it to say we're in trouble and working on a solution, but it is going to hurt.
I'm overweight, so I'm afraid of:
a. stroke that DOESN'T kill me
I drink too much wine - and am fighting with this - and I live in fear of brain damage, liver damage, you name it, God's judgement on me because I keep struggling with this.
I'm afraid of losing my beloved animals, illness of any loved one, worldwide catastrophe, which always seems just on the brink, living in an America I no longer recognize in a city that is mostly foreigners.
I'm afraid of moving to a new place and losing my familiar back yard with all it's flowers and birds and butterflies. I'm afraid of NOT moving to a new place and staying in this old-house-that-needs-work forever.
I know I need to pray, go to church, connect with people (I'm a BIG time loner and intimacy with people is something I do NOT do well, including family), exercise, lose weight, never touch another glass of anything alcoholic.
And the first thing I want to do when I go home is wait until after dinner and have a drink and the calm and good feeling that it brings.
I probably need to go to a recovery group at the church I don't attend.........
Writing this helps - somebody else out there just might feel the same or have felt the same......