Saturday, October 4, 2008

My Daughter

My daughter is beautiful. Her smile, so like her father and so like myself - mini me - is, within the frame on my bookshelf, trying to convince, uncertain, wide and open, wanting to believe. Betrayed by her parent's divorce, unable to face the nastiness of life, she negotiates a path that won't offend anyone, that won't draw attention, for fear, just for fear. She is so smart, so incredibly deep emotionally and I'm a little afraid of her. I can't reach into the depths of her pain. I can't fix it and make it better. I'd plunge my hand into the midst of it if it would make the crooked straight.

If only she knew she could stand alone, stand alone with the Lord by her side. He is quiet, hard to discern, the small, still voice. I'm asking Him to take care of her.

She puts her face to the cold wind, finds no comfort, sees no beauty, has a piece of my soul but not my eyes. She doesn't trust beauty. She keeps walking the same path to heal the wound in her soul, but never quite finds the way.

I love her, Lord, and I ask you to forgive me for not being what I should have been for her. Please make up my lack, fill her need, help her to find her way, open her eyes to you and lead her soul to comfort.

No one who is beautiful, smart, funny, loving, humble, human and a part of my heart should have to try to put the pieces of this life together without a hint, without the answers, Lord. This is my prayer. You love her more deeply than I ever could, You charm her soul with warmth and love, be all that she needs and that I failed to be. Teach her the things she needs to know - and most of all, let her know that You Are, and that You love her.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Beautiful - a prayer from the heart of a very, very GOOD mother - I say "Amen" Now I say a prayer for YOU. Lord, please help my sister to see that she, herself had so much to contend with, to make sense of. Please help my sister to be at peace in her heart - to have her know that flawed though we ALL are, bless her for her mother's heart, for her wisdom in turning it all over to you and please, please let her know that she has given her daughter the best gift of all - her unconditional and unending love.

Island Rider said...

Oh, children. How we wish they would not follow in our footsteps sometimes. They can be so like us and make the mistakes that we wish we coudl save them from. I am prayin for you and your daughter.

Suze said...

Thank you both for your beautiful comments. Most of all, I appreciate your prayers - they will do what is needed.

Brenda@CoffeeTeaBooks said...

I just had lunch with a young woman who was talking about her relationship with her mom. We both agreed moms and daughters can go through a time where we don't understand each other, even in the best of relationships.

By the way, I understand completely about your comment. I'm famous for a day I had back when I worked in a corporation. My husband and daughter (who was then about six years old) came home to find me sitting on my bed with a sheet over my head and eating Hagan Daz ice cream straight from the container!

Suze said...

Thanks Brenda - I read your blog every day and I love it! Your words often get me through bad days and calm my thinking.

Brenda@CoffeeTeaBooks said...

Suze,

Thank you for your kind comment. Knowing people come back and read keeps me writing (and always amazes me).

I don't want people to think I'm asking for money so I don't have any kind of Pay Pal up. However, I have had people write me at the e-mail address and say they feel God has led them to help out.

If it is someone I know (especially through their blog), I give my address. Only once did I give it out to someone who didn't have a blog I could go to and get to know them... that was a leap of faith!